![]() I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me - I'll do it myself. Similarly, the ON/OFFswitch will not clearly be labeled as such. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push." The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. ![]() I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No" and shoot him. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks,"Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible." 8. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. ![]() Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. ![]()
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